drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
