still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Randomize
