She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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