I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
