somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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