Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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