I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
