I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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