i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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