this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
