I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
