i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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