I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
