clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I'm passing your future prison.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
