Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Randomize
