I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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