my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
