My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
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