He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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