There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
