This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
