Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
