your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
