Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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