it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
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