...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
