can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
