explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
