Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Did I show you my penis last night?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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