Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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