I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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