that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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