Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
