I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
