Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
