I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
