Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
