Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
