All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
