So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
