yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
