she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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