Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
