LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
