if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
