I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
