Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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