ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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