I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
