Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Randomize
