I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
