I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
