You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Randomize
