Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
40s are totally the cure
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
