How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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